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News In Brief: Budinger Confirms Belief That White People Can’t Dunk

February 28, 2012

February 25th, 2012 –
After his horrendous showing in the 2012 Sprite® Slam Dunk Contest, Houston Rockets Forward Chase Budinger confirmed what many basketball historians have long suspected, that white people are unable to produce rim-rattling earth-stopping dunks .

“It’s not like his actual game is wack,” said NBA Legend Darryl “Chocolate Thunder” Dawkins, “but his ‘dunks’ were the worst kind of culturally white tripe. I’m surprised he didn’t try to dunk while sipping a latte.”

While there is in fact a historical precedent set by Brent Barry, a white basketball player who won the 1996 dunk contest with a Dr. J-inspired free-throw line dunk, many experts believe that Barry was the outlier.

“Every now and then, sure, you’ll have a gangly guy who can dunk a little, sure, but [Brent] Barry retired known as a jump shooter,” said NBA Analyst and former NBA player Chris Webber. “Also, if you watch the tape from ’96, you’ll see that [Brent] did the same dunk twice. His lack of originality and creativity strike me as very white. ”

“I believe in Chase’s ability to bring value to a franchise as an athletic slasher,” said Houston Rockets GM Darryl Morrey, “but I can’t help but wonder if Chase’s decision to copy Cedric Ceballos’ blindfolded dunk had something to do with the fact that the dunk required only the bare minimum of athletic ability

“Dunking over P-Diddy? Could he have picked a whiter rapper? Did he not realize that Lil’ Wayne was in the building?” added Dawkins.

Chase Budinger
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